JUST STANDERDIZE 1 LINUX DISTRO RANT!

Hopefully some one in the linux community with some foresight and authority will see this rant before it is removed for not being politically correct. LOOK!!! im a newbie to this linux thing, and i am completely done with Microsoft with its BS. I am completely infuriated with windows and Linux. I have been looking to replace Windows with linux, for months now and ive found nothing but confusion at the very first step. I am sick of the endless lip service, talking heads, suggestions, and personal opinions about Linux, and all the thousand different versions and downloads and what some one person thinks, and that there's is the best! LOOK!!! I JUST WANT 1 LINUX THAT RUNS LIKE WINDOWS! I DO NOT WANT TO TRY 12 DIFFERENT LINUX DISTRO'S AND SPEND AN ENTIRE YEAR, BUYING, DOWNLOADING, INSTALLING, TRYING DIFFERENT OPERATING SYSTEMS!!! I DO NOT WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE LEARNING HOW TO USE AND OPERATE THE SYSTEM. I DO NOT WANT TO TAKE A 4 YEAR COLLEGE COMP SCIENCE COURSE TO LEARN HOW TO USE LINUX!!!! BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I HAVE A LIFE!!! I JUST WANT 1 OPERATING SYSTEM THAT WORKS OUT OF THE BOX, AND RUNS LIKE WINDOWS. I AM NOT A COMP SCIENTIST AND...( THAT IS NOT THE CAREER CHOICE I MADE.) I DO NOT WISH TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE, EVERY DAY ALL DAY LEARNING LINUX PROGRAMMING!!! I HAVE OTHER THINGS IN MY LIFE TO DO!!! I JUST WANT 1 LINUX PROGRAM, THAT WORKS, AND DOES EVERYTHING, ....PERIOD! I Did infact buy a linux distro, and found it was like going back to 1980. there was no way to download any programs, and there was no way open files! i couldnt believe my eye's and this was a new 2015 full version live cd. it completely screwed up my entire computer. I ended up, loading Linux like 4 different times before i finally gave up! I had installed windows a total of 3 different times as well. Do you have any idea what it is like to install operating systems, programing it over and over and over, do you realize the wasted HRS spent in an entire month? Reformatting, reprogramming, and installing over and over, reading, studying endlessly, and there no 1 expert person to call for help. Do you understand what im saying here? I am not a computer builder, enthusiast, programmer, or DR. and i should not be forced in to becoming a computer DR and programmer just to know how to operate a computer. Its 2015! its high time, some one step up, and create a 1 single linux that does everything, 1 stop shopping, so people can just use the programs and computer without having to read an encyclopedia to learn how to use it. Its way passed time for 1 single authority to step up and create a 1 single linux distro and say, Here, this is the authority, and best of linux, AND this is what you want to replace windows! Here is the phone # to call for help and questions. PERIOD!